Potty Talk: My Tale of Woe.

It has been a long week in the Schultz home and as I have felt a blog post coming on, several possible titles came to mind.

1. The Week I Lost My Sanity
2. Poop is a Problem
3. Readiness Schmeddiness
4. Three Days, 36 Pairs of Underwear
5. Love My Boy, Hate the Poop
6. Fail: Potty Training Attempt #1

I knew that we had very little planned for last week, so I committed myself to spending some close one on one time with my boy to see if this 3 day potty training program could work for us. On Monday morning, J and I had a talk about being a big boy and what that all involved. He agreed with me that a big boy should use the potty instead of diapers. We ceremoniously threw all of our size 5 Pampers out the back door of the house (I later gathered them and stowed them away for Kalena one day) and put on a pair of big boy undies. Yay!

For three full days, Jett wore only undies and when he didn't make it to the potty, we dealt with the ramifications. It didn't take very long for my strong-minded son to get annoyed/frustrated with me continually asking him if he was dry, or reminding him to let me know when he feels he has to go to the potty. He started ignoring me, which drove me nuts. Sometimes he would have an accident after what seemed like only a minute after I had checked in with him. I tried throwing potty training paraphernalia at J, hoping that he would feel inspired.

Here are a few of his favourites:

There were several occasions where Jett did pee on the potty, and we celebrated each seeming success with gushing words of praise and potty treats. There were far more accidents than successful landings, however, and my frustration level grew as the hours crept by. Not once did we have a positive poop on the potty experience. I stuck pretty close to my busy boy, trying to read his signs and guess as to when he needed to use the bathroom. I did guess right sometimes, but often Jett would tell me, "Mom, I am peeing," right as he was in the process. I would rush, grab him and fly to the bathroom as fast as we could. I would tell him to stop peeing and often he could stop himself and at least finish the job on the potty. It was usually too late for his undies, though. Poor Kalena. I often would quickly set her down on the floor to rush and attend to her brother. It's difficult to be constantly closely analyzing your child when you have a second child to attend to!

Some of you may be wondering at this point, "Where is Mitch during this process?" Well, this may have been a good time to choose to potty train because we had no plans to be away from home, but it is also the harvest season and there are several farm tasks that pull my husband away. I felt bad that Jett couldn't go for many rides on the combines and trucks those days. He was a little too much of a wild card.

By the morning of the 3rd day, I felt myself resigning to the reality that we had likely failed the three day potty training course. Yet, for a large portion of that day, Jett did remarkably well. For the first time, he actually came to me and told me he had to pee; all on his own initiative! We hurried to the bathroom, sat his tookus on his potty, and he peed almost immediately. After a messy #2 accident, though, things went downhill again. The 3rd day came and went and I'm afraid that we were not one of the program's success stories.

I struggle with feeling extremely frustrated and disappointed because I truly believe that Jett is capable of being potty trained. I know that many of you are thinking the obvious, "He just wasn't ready." You're right, but it wasn't because he doesn't exhibit several of the typical ready "signs". He is a little more than 28 months, almost 2 1/2 years old. He communicates VERY effectively. In fact, he is exceptionally articulate and often talks non-stop. He plays well independently, is able to follow instructions/complete tasks, has very regular bowel movements, desires independence and to be viewed as a "big boy." I believe he is capable, he just hasn't decided that he wants it bad enough. In short, I cannot make this decision for him; he won't let me.

Here are our biggest potty training obstacles:

1. Busy, Busy, Busy
       If you've met my son, you can attest to the fact that Jett is a very busy boy. He plays from sun up to sun set, often at a fast pace that is difficult to keep up with! He is often very focussed as he plays with his tractors, trucks, etc. to "farm" land, dig holes and build roads. I really think he is too busy focussing on his play to be bothered with thinking about what his body is telling him. He often doesn't stop to acknowledge the feeling that he has to go to the bathroom. He realizes when he's in the process of peeing, but it's a little too late...

 These are two of Jett's favourite activities that keep him so busy.

2. J is mega-hydrated
       The boy drinks more fluids than the daily average intake of most adults! The Potty training program suggests giving your child extra juice or something they like to drink as a way of ensuring more learning opportunities. Not needed in our case. We have had more learning opportunities than we needed. You turn your back for a few seconds and the boy pees!

3. Stubborn and fiercely independent
       One of the most common phrases I hear lately is, "I do it by self!!!" Jett likes to do almost everything independently. I think he considers himself quite grown up. Why this hasn't translated into his potty skills, I sure wish I knew why. It didn't take long for him to get fed up with me asking him about being dry, following him around and asking him if he needed to go to the potty. He started ignoring me, and I wondered if he was sometimes choosing to not tell me when he had to go to the bathroom out of spite. It is VERY difficult to discipline a bad attitude and stay positive about the whole potty experience at the same time...

4. Ultra regular
       This 4th obstacle may be the worst one... I have heard several mothers talk about how their child only has a bm (bowel movement) every 2-3 days. My Jetty averages 3-4 bm's each and every day. This could be in correlation with obstacle number 2, I don't know. If J was willing to try pooping on the potty, his regularity could be a blessing; providing opportunities to learn and succeed. When he refuses, however, it just causes a lot of frustration and disgusting messes to clean up. Remember, I DID leave him strictly in undies for three days... enough said.

When I knew that Jett must be close to having to go to the bathroom, we would try little methods to bring him to that point such as tickling, putting his hands in water, and racing around the house. During one of our racing sessions, we were doing our customary laps from the couch in the living room to the oven in the kitchen to see if we could bring about some potty action. A few times, Jett stopped and sat on the potty, only to come to the conclusion that "the pee wasn't ready yet." So, we kept racing. "On your mark, de-set, GO!" :)  Anyway, on lap number 40 something, I paused to change Kalena's diaper. She was my running partner in this whole event. I had only been away from the race for less than a minute, but J had made a pit stop in the bathroom, and I was hoping for some success. He then yelled out, "Mommy! The poop is EVERYWHERE!" He was right. It was. :(

It is difficult for the teacher in me not to think of a term we referred to many times in College, preparing to teach children: Intrinsic motivation. The Wikipedia definition of Intrinsic Motivation is this: "Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on any external pressure." THIS, my little Jett does not have; at least not for using the potty. He isn't even motivated by the potty treats as much as I thought he might be. So, even my attempt to EXtrinsically motivate him have been in vain!

 (You can tell by the length of his hair, that I took this pic a while ago... when the potty was a novelty, not an expectation)

So... what now. I persevered for the full three days and stuck close to my undies-wearing toddler even though I had a feeling in my gut that grew as time passed that we weren't going to come out of this process "trained". If I had thought that Jett was on the verge of a major breakthrough, I would have continued for a few more painstakingly frustrating days. But I don't believe we were anywhere near the "verge". I backed off, and we were all much happier that day. We won't wear regular diapers anymore, it's pull ups from here on in, and undies during choice times at home.

Jett has to decide for himself that he wants to use the potty. <<Insert: Deep sigh>>

Jett did get to go for a few "rides" while wearing his undies... During this particular ride, I received an urgent phone call from my hubby to come and bring him new undies/clean clothes. When I got to the field, Jett was buck naked from the waist down, riding on the jump seat of the combine. :)

Here's one last funny little anecdote from our week, Mitch and I have been unsure of how to refer to Jett's male parts. This week as he spent more time naked than usual, I bit the bullet and called it what it is, a penis. Jett however, started referring to it as a "peanut". You may think that's funny, cute and all, but I realized it may be a source of confusion when J came with me to get Kalena out of her crib and I greeted her, "Good morning, peanut!" Ummm...